girls gone wild!!

A lot of time has been , passed, now i sit here , always in bologna , one exam gone good , but i didnt write nothing about my christams holyday , first i denied my baptism, i think its the case to tell it, im not anymore part of teh christian catholic church of rome, now im simply selene , the free one!

well , it makes me feel new, it makes me feel ...reborn...

well i did else during hollydays, well first i broke up with my boyfriend, yes that man is gone , but situation is too complicated , nothing can explain it simply in f

ew words, well from the other side i created otehr troubles... you can't image how simple is to fall again in troubles ... just for a kiss...

i met after a lot of time a boy that i was working... i was speaking with since many months ...we met ... he was so cold and so ...girlish ,coz he was pulling me to do all ...he felt cool , yeha !! THAT S WHAT HE DID , at last i was spekaing , i was showing my self as i am ,a dn he was i dnt know.. maybe lying , maybe nothign of what he todl was true... well thsi happens to feel hard desires for an addict , well u can image hwo he was , tall and thin to fade , black hair and brown eyes ...not so cute as i say always , not so cute like my ex boyfrind, but w

hen i find someone liek him i recognise , the kind of mine , he s my kind , image a boy that looks like, bastard and wild , yea, the kind of man tht humanity is losing in these years ... well i dnt knwo how much he s bastard, but i learned something about addicts , and , yeassss i coudl lea

rn this hearing my brother who was saying that this kind of boy is untrustable ... well , ilearne dit on my skin ... THIS KIND OF BOY IS UNTRUSTABLE , he told he has done , he closed with all that shit ...maybe its true , but i know i cant trust him , well on afternoon when we met frist , i foudn him really avalaible to me , and to hear me , to speak , interested in me...well just the time to arrive to night , we met in local , i drunk and i ruined all , i showed him the worst selene he could ever meet.. ahahaha , he sent him a message about where i was, and he came , don 't knwo why , for this i say he was interested .. and here the story starts:

he came to me , and asked me " with who are you" , and i told with my friends , and i listed them , i touched her sides as embracing him ,and he liked , he holded me too , then i went away , we divided, then we met later and that time i didnt let h

im anymore.. we moved outside and inside the local , we spoke , we joked, but guys... when a woman si drunk there s nothing to hold her...at last my friends went away and my brother before leaving told to my dear friend luciana " if you can't bring selene , tell her to call me , never come back to home with that boy , never go in car with that boy!" well , at last i did such , but this comes later ... in the mean while , talking talking , we arrived at 03.00 a.m and i had a train to take at 07.00 , well so i was so anxious , coz i didnt want to go away , then he took me my hand and i brought me in a park beside night club , it was all dark , with grass under our feet and yesss, in the moment i felt so scared of him , this places makes

me scared , then i floowed him teh same , he tols me so , lets go inside , and i told ," no!! i want stay here", i hold him and i touch direclty hsi lips... with my lips , what a kiss!!!!!! m

mmmmm

the kiss , the lips i wished for many months , now were mine , i never had a succes big like this... i mean , of course i kissed other boys and even else ... but this time , it was somethign i planned for a lot of time , and at last .. i was in a dark park under the moon , in a cold night surrounded by a frost wind kissing his hot lips ..i don't remind anymore his kiss , it is totally gone ...it was nothign special , and this is sad, but i remind his PHALLUS!! yeees, he answere dgood to my kiss, and to my touch , he gave a positive response ahahha ..

i didn't enter inside of his trousers, but i care so much to do it still ... well thi s just the good part of the night , after a wihile , he brought me in a corner and he told me , " sele , i have to tell yousomehting , please hear me , i am serious :don't fall i

n love with me!" AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH THIS WAS MY ANSWER....

i was smilign so much tht i falled down with my head , i told what=????

he told " pleasee dnt feel to love me , im not joking AHAHAHAHAHAHAH

OHH YEASS REPEAT IT AGAIN .. PLEASEEE i never laughed like this ...i am just romantic , i like to make it sensuale , to kiss passionally , to confuse it b

oy ... between passion and love there s an ocean . .. well , nothign else concluded ...i just can say , idnt want any kind of hard and serious story with him , i just wanted sex , do you know this word??? sex man!!!

i dnt want love and i dnt wnat bullshits.. but he told enough bullshits....i remidn still his neck .. it was red , i dnt knwo how much i bit it tht night ...

i am not a gently lover , i like to bit , and to hurt ... may he was virgin??!

dunno ! i know just he offended me time later , when he told me that , it can be a gooood freindship between us, friendship???? keep friendship for your self, you cna't give to me a hting so hard and so deep as friendship , you offended me , speaking such us about friendship , buy the way , the real problme it was , , first ) if you don't mind t

o have sex with me , tell it direclty , second) if you don't search me , it s clear you don't car

e a fuck , third) if i send you cheers for your bday it would be nice if you answer , and forth) you'r cute k i want f***k you , and i hope u didn't have misunderstandment... well a simple kiss ... now after a lot of months passed studying , yesterday at last i went out with a friend , and i told her all teh story , i asked her to be honest to me , if she thinks it was a bullshit, and she told me direclty fuck up this man , he doesnt deserve me , he doenst care of me.. and surely she s right , he joked to me he played with me , 'cause i gave many opportunities to clear my mind, but he never did it ... this s not a correct behaviour ,, so i am sorry for you babe , you have lost all this piece of woman !!!!

rest of stoyr you all know!! how coudl i fall for a man li

ke this, the thinsg that annoyies me , is in the fact that i didnt understand it when it was the right moment ... greaat kiss..

ahahah i am still thiking that ... ahhha yes ok!! maybe i am not so honest about this , maybe he let a print to me , but these s teh kind of thing must be suppressed ... i dnt have space , im filled of business and work , and i can't hurt my self ,twice , well , my first st . valentine alone ... how it feels'?? how is it?? hwo can unimportant thing can be the hardest to stand??? imean i can stand loneliness , i can stand hard diets and physical effort , but

no idea about how to stand those little things , like st.valentine... i dnt want to be a loser , i dnt wnat to be a weak , coz i am not , nor for a man , nor for 2...

thinspo pursuit keeps on ...starve on !!

i changed again my diet , in soon it will start to work good , im eating just vegetavles cheese and one kind of biscuits, everyday i choose a veggy between spinach or salad ... ( i can choose between 5 different types of sald) , , cheese only feta ( greek one) , and sweet just biscuits bucaneve , and then of corse ltrs and ltrs of teaaa ..hot one , sugar free...

ok , i deleted feta too , in reality i decided i woudl eat just o

n saturday feat ,and since tomorrow ill start to count back calories... in reality i think that , when u have a diet , count calories makes u mad earlier , i mean is that thing

wich fucks your mind ... first of all other things ...i will start to do all , coz i have a potential in my body , and in my will , so need to take it outside ...

tomorow i start to note weight and keep weight check , night a

nd morning , it will be hard , it will be disappointing so much, mostly tonight probably , coz i feel my weight changes just with my body , so i knwo what i have to expect ,

listen to the man in the liquor store...

Well, you tell us that we're wrong
And you tell us not to sing our song
Nothing we can say will make you see
You got a heart of stone
You can never feel

You say ";oh I'm not afraid - it can't happen to me
I've lived my life as a good man
Oh, no you're out of your mind
It won't happen to me
Cos I've carried my weight
And I've been a strong man";

Listen to the man in the liquor store
Yelling ";anybody want a drink before the war?";

And your parents paid you through
You got a nice big car
Nothing bothers you
Somebody cut out your eyes
You refuse to see
Somebody cut out your heart
You refuse to feel
And you live in a shell
You create your own hell
You live in the past
And talk about war
And you dig your own grave yeah
But it's a life you can save
So stop getting fussed
It's not gonna happen
And you'll cry
But you'll never fall
No, no, no
You're building a wall
Gotta break it down
Start again

No, no, no
It won't happen to us
We've lived our lives
Basically we've been good men
So stop talking of war
Cause you know we've heard it all before
Why don't you go out there
And do something useful

Oh listen to the man in the liquor store
He yelling ";anybody wanna drink before the war?";
";Anybody wanna drink before the war?";
";Anybody wanna drink before the war?"

Broken _ Sentenced

song ov the day , and old chicca - as here ppl says- that i fo
rgot with time, but that i was hearig so much in young times, from the best of sentenced , from teh album "crimson" ( 2000) , lets remind it includes, between others, dead moon rising and killing me killing you.

Broken

I have come a long way where I started from

but I'm still not even close to where I'm going

(and now) I can no longer see the shine

that has been lighting up my way

I cannot feel its glowing

The fire in my heart is dying

and the zeal I had is gone

This path that I've chosen'

s a rocky one

Long, hard and frozen it has become

Each turn that I've taken on the way

has only led me back to Hell

I am dying down growing weaker now

It could seem that I'm doing fine

but I'm broken to little pieces deep inside

Why did I ever choose to go this way

The question I keep asking myself all the time

I guess it was my instinct for self-destruction

that pointed me down this way

The fire in my eyes is dying

and the dream I had is gone

This path that I've chosen's a rocky one

Long, hard and frozen it has become

Each turn that I've taken on the way

has only led me back to Hell

I am dying down growing weaker now

It could seem that I'm doing fine

but I'm broken to little pieces deep inside

few need to make a life complete...

this s the -probably-wrong translation of an old hiphop song from my original city , in the far far south of italy , it was a think too, despite i never filled my life, with balance and equilibrium ;

by teh way, im reallyhaving nice time, i had a little crise so

me days ago , but actually si passed, I should think that it was caused but the promixity of my mestruations...after 10 years i got how it works...X)

i dont knwo if i have mentioned in past posts about this magic boy, this kind of legend for me..that comes sometimes in my dreams, well i dreamed of him once again , tonight , it out of my powers, maybe coz i still want it, but i dont want want him, i don't knwo if it's clear, he is not for me, and surely i ma not for him , but how could i leave a kind of pervert desire??? pervert ones are the stronger;

by the way , even in my dream , it was clear i am not for him... sometimes happens, but this is not the place to speak about this kind of emotions, this s a place, or what is most pervert, forthings we cant say , coz people will direclty think u are mad, may you are...

today i ate again a bit more, but i don't feel it a problem, coz i won't make dinner, and im sure ill enter right in my calculations of calories, i estabilished to organize back my diet belonginig on target, new politcs is based on targets : tomorrow target... i can't say, its too hard, let's say just 3 hettograms less of today one, or maybe 1?? i dont remind my weight of today , i have a lot of numbers in my head, coz fuckign weight is rarely constant, mmm nono i think is just 1 hg less my target, so it means i can do it... lets see if i reach this goal , or maybe more!?.

sentenced : consider us dead

Feel it, now it's waiting in your handCold and loaded...See it, now it's shining in my handCold and loaded...I know i haven't got the balls to pull this throughAnd therefore I'm laying all my faith in, all my faith in you
Raise the gun, take aim and shoot mePut a bullet through my headConsider us deadRaise the gun, take aim and blow me awaySqueeze the trigger, free the leadConsider us dead
We're leaving this human ruin behindSo cold and empty...He's leaving for there's nothing more I can findIn this cold and emptyThe choice is mine so don't be afraid to pull this throughJust get a grip, I'm dying to get rid of you, rid of you

Raise the gun, take aim and shoot mePut a bullet through my headConsider us deadRaise the gun, take aim and blow me awaySqueeze the trigger, free the leadConsider us dead
I know you haven't got the balls to pull this throughJust get a grip, I'm dying to get rid of you rid of you

raise the gun , take aim and shoot me

put the bullet through my head

consider us dead

rasie the gun,take aim and blow me away

squeeze the trigger . free the lead

Consider us deadConsider us dead

Copied from MetroLyrics.com

A lot of time has passed, and i am back now, i noticed after many adventures, that i closed myself in a gold cage, times are not going good,in this golden cage i don

t let anyone to access, i cant find people i feel good with, noone deserves to enter in this cage, and i guess most of peaople nor cares of it, despite this there was one girl in this time, always bringing me diets, but i don't want to share diet tips with her, i don't want to know everyday if her trousers are lar
ger on her, or tight, i dont care a fucking s**t. i speka wiht girls at faculty , a

nd i have found many of them more interesting of what i was thinking, despite this i am always there closed in my cage, and i am smily , ohh yea, i speka so weel , so gently , i masked and covered my south stress in speaking, my south dialect, now i am liek them, a northern girl , nothign can trick me now, i am gentle like them , i dont speak loudy anymore, and yess!! i speka with many girls, im smily and so fake.. this means masking, this means pretending, its easy to do ,and i do it so well , but the only person is gettin' ruined like this its me.

so u know , i cant stay beside short peolple, they make me feel an enormous girl , just coz i am tall , even if i am thinner of SOME of them , ( just few) , i cant stand short ones, they make me feel a monster, and most of girls of this age are short, may i ne

ed to meet a swedish??!

it s not coz i dont liek short ppl , but its how they make me feel to be, or to appear, if i am beside a short girl , noone will notice if my bones are coming outsi

de, of if my belly si flat, coz my bones are big, my legs are longer than them , and i am the best beside the short ,cute -1 meter- girl!!

anyway , some good happened too , but were just in my imagination , or in my dream , so we can pass them by...for exmaple tonight i dreamed the perfect orgasm..how coudl I dream an orgasm still don't know, i don't know nor if it does exsist..an orgasm like this...but let's return to reality,orgasms for the moment, are in a far planet for me, isnt the right time to think it, by the moment is officially friday , and i swear every friday , that nothing will ruin my week-end, moslty coz' tomorrow it s goign to be a great day , ill make blac

k hair, and maybe streight,. i don't know... but in any way ,

nothing wll ruin my week-end , nor the fact thst i didn

t study today...this time it won't fuck me...

well i must say it, after writing some words, i feel happier and i see it clearly, situation isnt so hurry as it seems, tomorrow will a splendid day, and i am gogn to get thin. i ll get thin, to fade...

about dieting, the past week , i terrible falled in love for a fucking addicted man, tht is 10 years older, and that is living far.. but i never meant to have a story with him , just for running caprices. i wanted speak with him , speka about blood and about love, just to be poetic...

i wanted hrear from him tht he likes me.. and than go away and keep to study ... but while chatting we didnt reach this point...i got before tht there

s nothing to do .. it was just a caprice, not love..pfffand caprices sometimes explode as love, and i remind still the days of that weak ,i felt no hunger for all the week , i felt sick and tired, too tired to eat, i wanted just fade away , with the caprice that was exploded inside of me..love and caprices make you thinner,

today i ate.. but then i got it was so much , so

i vomited than i

t was too much empty... even if ti s NEVER TOO MUCH EMPTY, so i ate a cup of vegetable soup, now i feel im done, the food is gone for today , i dnt feel eating, and if i dnt pass dinne

r by , i think really that tomorrow i ll have a good surprise, i feel hilarious to think of it...

keep starving.. i must be honest, in this time a lot of thinspo helped me... i know it s so silly to reduce our selves to this point... its seems silly , it seems va

in and when i started i didnt get is fastly , i got it just with time, that i settles a life belonging to stupid images, i wish to be the thinspo of my self,to see my bones everyday , and ask to my self, why u bones are so alone''? WE need to save the others too, we need to bring them to light too... and so me and my bones, we go to save other bones, from this ocean of flesh and skin,i wish so much to see the bones of my face, to see them clearly , to see the fuckign bones of my legs, ahh the they i ll meet them ... i still dream it...they day nothing more will remain of me...j

ust my bones, and my brain , muscles, skin , and other things, i wish them to leave us forever in peace... it sounds disturbed told like this...it sounds too insane, maybe,let s consider it as a helloween thinspo present, coz THIS halloween , we won't mask of skeleton , WE WILL BE THE SKELETONS...

and then when ill go back to the south , to my all city , n

oone will recognise me, and when he will see me, ill just turn my shoulders , and show him my fuc

king bones....

summer s ended!!

at last summer is gone and i don't feel too much ready to go to back to the old , fat and cold bologne , while i was there i was sad and depressed, but i had still confidence and trust in to my self , just 2 months are passed with my family and i have lost my confidence yet!!

father is dropping smoking , and particularly nervous... and i think he has not too much regard for me... all summer hearing them comparing me with my fucking brother , why?? coz' i am not like tht bitch of man!!

but i don't care, i learned not to leave what i believe, not to drop wht i do , i know there 's somethign to change in me.. a lot... but NEVER LET THEM DECIDE WHAT!!

I have finished to stay sick and bad coz' i am not as parents or relatives want , despite this i feel still bad with my self , more than before .. this summer i buried somethings...i burried some stones.. over each of them a name ,i wrote a cross and i buried them ...

of course , i have never done a so macabre thing.. even if i was so close to , it s a symbolic zest for the ones do not deserve me or my friendship , who do not deserve my loyalty and honesty ...so many ;

it s time to clean up my closet from those skeletons, for this trash people;

Im back!! and i won't fail this time...

I don't want to know anymore how is happened, how do we arrived to this point ,im 20 my life goes on, my personal show

STOP to hear you will never be good enough!!!